This summer has been full of really amazing blessings. My first seven weeks have been devoted to studying dance in San Francisco, California and Tel Aviv, Israel. If I could sum it up in one sentence it is this: Dance has changed forever in all of the best ways possible. I have learned that I have a lot of knots tied to the identity of being a dancer. I felt a lot of guilt for a while and even felt as though dance was going to be taken away from me. Oh silly girl, punishing herself for this oh too common sin of resting in the comfort of an identity. Punishment?...sounds like karma. That aint how it works in the Kingdom. God does not want to take away things to punish us, He wants to change our hearts for Him so that we no longer need these things we are tied to. In this way, we hand these things back to him, and that is the fruit of the Lord. And why would dance be taken away? Is dance a sin? No. Attachment to the identity of being a dancer is the problem. Dance is a gift...a gift to glorify and explore His beauty. It is such a wonderful means of expressing a message, whether that be an important one or not, it is another language to speak to the nations. Its kind of rad.
So now I am at this place where I see that there is a really
wonderful relationship I got going on with God, but its not just me. There is so much more out there. So how are these blessings poured out to other people? I wanted to know so badly so that I could go out into the world and 'do' something about it...keep writing my life out for myself. But wait...isn't that another attachment? Oops...yeah I guess so. So how do I combat that? Without doing anything but remaining in the Word. At my first night back at Adorn, Reality Carpenteria, I was searching for a 'feeling' of presence. Once again, silly girl. I was looking for 'something to do,' to be the author of my own story again. There is a blindfold metaphor that I will go further into another day, but basically I think a lot. Too much sometimes. These thoughts inside of my head are dangerous because I start conjuring up what I 'ought' to be doing for the Lord. I looked up as I sat on my knees during worship looking for those answers that I oh too often seek. The words "HOLY BIBLE" stood above my head hanging off the podium. Well thanks God. The Word.
"If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32
Ironically, this is the first bible verse I have ever encountered, last April. I found it in the back of a set of reading articles I had was assigned for Latin American Iberian Studies class.
There was not much biblical reference, nor was this verse part of the reading, it was just accidently included in the set of pages I printed from my professor's Email. I accidentally read this verse. Funny huh? Well the book of John has had a lot for me lately, especially this verse.
I see my life becoming so much simpler. Now simpler does not mean easier. REST. It is a hard concept for me to grasp. I am a doer, as one could see if they noted the numerous homemade pies made while I am bored. Lately God really wants me to take things easy as far as the load and really invest quality time into the few obligations I do have. (at first acceptance of this I made one really great pie instead of 5 ok ones.) Ever since I entered UCSB I knew I would be double majoring. That part of my agenda has been pruned off, as I know that I wan
t to put everything into my dance BFA. Not only will I be able to explore dance without the burden of extra schoolwork, but I will have time to give those blessings back. I have a lot of ideas that have entered my heart for the coming school year for dance and beyond and I am very curious and excited to see what He unfolds for me.
Not only am I excited for these ideas, but I am excited to rest and make really great pies.
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