Cloud 9 for life

Ever walk on cloud 9? Ever walk on cloud 9 so long that you feel yourself about to fall because there is just no way you could be this high for so long? I know I have. I have this friendly acquaintance with a character named guilt. Maybe you've heard of him? Anyways, he likes to come in and ruin my party up above on cloud 9 and tell me that there is no way that I can be this happy and free from him for this long and to get down immediately. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly aware of how blessed I am, and quite thankful. But then I go on the news and read about the millions of starving orphans in Africa, see fellow friends struggling to pay rent and tuition all on their own, and see a mother pushing her baby in a carriage carrying recycled alcohol containers in the basket to put food on the table. I go about my days and see what has been handed to me, where my efforts are devoted, and how much of my day brings me joy. And then the guilt chimes in.

"Why you? You aren't this deserving. What have you done to help this world. Feel bad about how spoiled you are and get out there and start working like everyone else. Live up to those standards that society has for you already and stop being so caught up in this peace of yours that gets your through everyday with a smile. "

My struggle with guilt has been exposed to me several times over the last couple of months. I have discovered that guilt is not a character out to get me, but something inside of me that holds me back because I fear allowing myself to accept my blessings. Why is so much good scary? It is scary because it is out of my control what I am given...and not being in control of my life is a scary thing. But the thing is, I am where I am for a reason. The things I am given are out of my control, and therefor are gifts. I did not ask for the means to be able to study dance in a beautiful Santa Barbara with an overwhelmingly kind community and supportive family back home. Nor did I ask for God to forgive me of all of my sins. I am correct in assuming that I am undeserving of all of these blessings, but nor am I deserving of punishment. God gave me these things for a greater purpose. Just as God gave all of humanity Jesus Christ for the greatest purpose, salvation.

I am not saying that I am ignoring those out there who are suffering and trying to remain in my happy little bubble. What I am trying to get at is that no amount of blessings or happiness defines true joy. And all of these things I talk about, studying what I love, having a sturdy home, good friends, ect, these are just details. My true joy does not come from these things, but in the fact that my identity is secure in Christ. I know that all of my debts are paid for. There is nothing I could do, nothing materialistic that I could give up to prove how much of my identity rests in Christ. Nor is there any reason to prove anything to anyone, including myself. It is true that these things might inevitably occur as one allows the Spirit to enter them and overflow into the world. Working for the sake of works is no way to salvation. Why would you do that? To get a temporary pat on the back for feeding the hobos. Yes, the homeless need to be fed, and I'd rather have someone feed them for self-assuring reasons then not having them fed at all, but unfortunately that is not going to lead to joy. Why the heck do we even seek true joy? Because it is true to ones heart. Because we know that true joy is contagious, and true joy is not something to keep to yourself....because its just so great that you want everyone to know about it and get in on it!

So this whole guilt thing...it is not true. It is the same thing as living vicariously from pleasure to pleasure. When the pleasure is gone...so is the happiness. That aint true joy. But it one has joy, it is not wrong to be joyful about it. I know this is kind of a backwards thing to be going through, but I am finding that it stems from my need to live up to society's, family's, and my own FALSE expectations. Those expectations are created my ME. They don't exist. If I don't live up to 'the plan' the world is not going to explode or anything. If I rest all of my identity in them then it is very likely that I will have some sort of a meltdown and my 'joy' and peace will be temporarily disturbed. So these disturbances in my joy have revealed to me how much more there is to give. And my 'so much more' I do not mean those tangible things that I love, but the super complicated knots I have tied up to them. They are a lot tighter than I thought.

But fear not reader, for the good news is that Jesus meets us where we are at.....ALWAYS! Another nice fact is that its pretty certain that the majority of the people out there are going through identical mini-identity crisis's...they are just covered up by different 'details.' These people can talk to you, exchange advise and show you that you are not a crazy person stuck in the muck in your head. And the even BETTER news is that God put you exactly where you are, even if you have fought against it, God knew it, and is working with it. He sent Jesus down to pay the price for all of these ties that we have made with the world. Yes, we are of the flesh, so we will never stop sinning, but our willingness to seek God and be with Him always is enough to reach salvation. He knows, and grows happy when we recognize Him and what He did for us.

Hopefully you understand at what I am getting at. If so, great, if not and you are ever struggling with any sort of guilt for receiving what you are given, just rest, receive what is there for you....its there for a reason...one might even go so far as to say for THE reason. Being on cloud 9 is not a reason to feel guilty. Real cloud 9 never goes away...you may jump down for a little moment, but He will always lend the helping hand back up to stay forever in the Kingdom.

Jesus said it right. He tells us to not feel guilt over what is out of our control.

"You would have not power over me if it had not been given to you from above." (John 19:11)